Donnerstag, 15. Mai 2014

How to go back in time and prevent other time travelers from killing Hitler (following 14 simple steps):

Requirements: 

  • a time machine
  • charme
  • eagle eyes 
  • talent for observation 
  • acting talent 
  • persuading-skills 
  • sleeping pills 
  • a wheelbarrow (when needed) 
  • patience 
  • willingness to undergo plastic surgery 
  • a general's uniform 
  • the article: "Time Travelers: Please don‘t kill Hitler" by Dean Burnett
  • blackmailing skills
  • be able to give a lecture
  • "puppy face skills"

  1. Enter the time machine and choose a point in time in Hitlers youth at which it was still possible to get close to him. 
  2. Attend the same school as Hitler and become his "best friend forever til the end". 
  3. Always stay close by his side, preferably avoid to eat, to sleep and to go to the toilet, so nobody can seize the chance to attack him, while you are not around him.
  4. If time travelers appear in front of you and attempt to kill Hitler, start crying hysterically and try to explain that, behind the facade of being a complete, cold-hearted bastard, he is not a completely lost soul. 
  5. Tell them to leave him alone. 
  6. Make sure they enter their time machine and go back into their decade. 
  7. If they refuse to voluntarily return, administer sleeping pills to them, and carry them back to their time machine (you might want to use a wheelbarrow to do so). 
  8. If this does not work, keep waiting until Hitler establishes his Nazi Party, change your face through plastic surgery, so he does not recognize you, and become one of his generals. 
  9. Position hundreds of security guards around Hitler, his residence and the Reich Chancellery and make sure that they lie on look out in case suspicious people appear. 
  10. If time travelers arrive to kill Hitler, let the guards bring them to you. 
  11. Show them the article “Time Travelers: Please don‘t kill Hitler” by Dean Burnett and try to explain why it is a bad idea to get rid of him just yet. 
  12. If they do not listen, threaten them that their smart phones will disappear if they kill Hitler and he will be safe. 
  13. If they do listen, assure them that you do not like Hitler as well, but in order not to change the future it is better not to change things in the past.
  14. While saying that do the "puppy face". They will understand and Hitler will not be killed. 

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